Well it really has been a while. 5 months in fact, where has the time gone? I’m currently writing this at a time of huge uncertainty, it’s unprecedented for everybody, and I don’t quite know how to feel. In case you’ve been living under a rock, the world has been hit with the coronavirus, or rather, Covid-19, a world-wide pandemic that has surely affected each and every one of us. Everything is up in the air, nothing is certain and this is not something that I am good with. One thing that I do know though is that this time can be seen as an opportunity for me. An opportunity to write, to read, to look after myself and my health, to work on myself in every way possible. This is what I am trying to focus on right now, as anything else is too much.
Starting with this, my first blog post of 2020, the first in 5 months. Many of you have been asking after me, asking me to write a life update and I just haven’t got round to doing one yet. Not because I haven’t had time, but because I didn’t quite know what to say, or how to say it. I write best when the words flow freely, when I don’t need to think, I just need to write, and that hasn’t happened in a long time. Until now. Now, they’re pouring out, I can’t write fast enough. It’s like everything I wanted to say is trying to fight it’s way out in one go. It’s overwhelming, and uncontrollable. Much like the whole world is feeling now.
Truth is, I’m a planner at heart. Always have been and always will be. I like to be in the know. I don’t like taking things one day at a time. When I was 14 I had the next 10 years of my life mapped out. That was my safety blanket. I knew what I wanted and where I wanted to be. I can’t say that has changed either. 10 years forward, I am exactly where I expected in some ways, but in others I couldn’t be further away. And I won’t lie, the coronavirus outbreak has kinda interfered with some of those plans! So, let me give you a little life update…
My health recently has been unpredictable. Maybe this should be a theme throughout this post? Unpredictable. It’s such a horrible word, ominous, unforgiving. Unpredictable means you can’t plan, it causes worry, stress, anxiety. Well, it does for me anyway.
The past few months have been difficult, I’ve been bleeding on and off almost every day since last June. Yes, you read that right, almost 10 months. Obviously I have been back and forth to the Doctors, and I have been referred but that appointment isn’t until next week (assuming it doesn’t get cancelled because of the coronavirus!). It’s been hard to say the least, the unpredictability of when and if I might bleed, how heavy it will be, how long it will last. Often it has started mid-teaching, and as any teacher knows, you can’t just leave a lesson midway to go to the toilet! It has caused so much stress and anxiety, I have often just cried and cried until there are no tears left. It has been painful at time, physically and mentally, and this has all been happening while teaching full time. What a nightmare.
This is one of the main reasons for being so quiet on here and on Instagram. One of the biggest things in my life has been this issue, and I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to talk about or not. It’s deeply personal, and possibly TMI. But after heavier bleeding the other week, and battling with the Doctors to give me a smear test (which they didn’t want to do back in June as I wasn’t 25 *rolling eyes*), my Mum suggested that this might help. Me, primarily, but maybe someone else. And after all, isn’t that why I started this blog?
As I write this, I realise that I haven’t been bleeding anywhere near as much this past week. A couple of weeks ago I had some really heavy bleeding, I’m talking 7-8 huge clots within 48 hours. It was terrifying and I had no idea what to do. But since then, there’s been very little, if not, nothing. Perhaps that was it? Maybe it was a proper period which cleared everything else out as well? Who knows. Only time will tell, and is yet another thing I can’t plan.
Another big life update I want to share is that due to the outbreak of the coronavirus, Angus and I made the difficult decision to postpone our wedding. I had never announced the actual date of our wedding on my blog or Instagram, something just told me I shouldn’t. Perhaps deep down I knew that wasn’t the date we were meant to get married?
We have postponed it for later on in the year, still 2020 when everything has hopefully died down a bit and we are allowed social gatherings again! I still won’t be sharing the date, not just yet anyway but it does mean, there is more time for wedding content, as I haven’t been doing a very good job with that so far! And I can say, I am very excited for the new date, I am on Pinterest all the time now, getting new ideas! As always, with every negative, there is a positive.
I hope you enjoyed this completely random, word vomit, Dear Diary type post. It was so therapeutic for me to get it all out, especially with all the uncertainty surrounding the coronavirus pandemic, so I hope you don’t mind too much! Please do let me know in the comments if you liked it and if you want to see more posts like this in the future. And also, let me know what other type of posts you want to see as well, I’d love to hear your ideas!
Until next time,