Hello wonderful people who follow and read my blog for reasons that I still can’t understand. It has been a WHILE since I last wrote a life update. I somehow lost track of why I started blogging and only wanted to produce content that would help, motivate or inspire you. But the main reason why I started this blog was to share my life with you, like an online diary. Somewhere I can spill my thoughts out to, my highs, my lows and my day-to-day life with a chronic illness.
So, I thought it was time for a life update.
Let’s get the most exciting announcement out of the way first…
WE’RE GETTING MARRIED
If you haven’t seen my announcement on Instagram, Angus proposed to me on Christmas Eve and of course, I said yes! I still have to pinch myself every now and then because I can’t quite believe it’s happening. If someone had told me at 16, that just 7 years later she would be ENGAGED to the love her life, I would NOT have believed you.
I met Angus just after I turned 17, when I was a hot mess recovering from Glandular Fever (GF). For some crazy reason, he stuck around and decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me!
Anyway, because of this, I had the ULTIMATE goal to lose weight… or so I thought.
Over the past 12 months or so, I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’ve been putting on weight. 3rd year nearly destroyed me, I finished in May and walked straight into a summer job at a department store which never ended. Then, I decided to do a part-time PGCE which started in September and for the past 4 months I was juggling that, my placement once a week and I was still working at the department store. It’s safe to say, I was a permanently exhausted pigeon.
“I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon”Gemma Correll
Of course, during that time, I was also diagnosed with PCOS (you can read a post all about that here) and instead of getting a new-found motivation to lose weight and get healthy, I just gave up.
Eventually, I willed myself to join a gym in November. I was so excited to finally be getting back into exercise. It was a struggle, I won’t lie and I only went about 3 times before my sciatica flared in December, so much I literally couldn’t walk without being bent double, in agony. It doesn’t take a genius to realise that the gym went on the back burner while my back was bad, and then it was Christmas… Need I say more?
Fast forward until now and my life has changed, yet again…
Just before Christmas I was worried that I wasn’t doing enough hours of placement, and my job at the department store was causing a huge strain for me with my fatigue and chronic pain. This is when I was offered the PERFECT opportunity. The manager where I was doing my placement offered me a part-time teaching job which meant I could reduce my hours at the department store.
So, now I teach on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday AM and work at the department store on a Saturday. Essentially, I work 3.5 days a week, and rest 3.5 days a week.
This has been the balance that my body has CRAVED since I first got ill. IT’S ONLY TAKEN ME 7 BLOODY YEARS (if I count from when I got GF that is – otherwise its ONLY TAKEN ME 4.5 BLOODY YEARS).
So all-in-all, I’m doing LESS than I was before, earning MORE and doing what I love. It sounds like I have it all together doesn’t it? Not quite. It’s been bugging me that there is one thing that hasn’t clicked into place yet. A ticking stress bomb that I can’t seem to avoid, eating up my mental energy. I know that once that thing has been detonated, everything else will fall into place…
Quitting the Gym
This week I made the decision to cancel my short-lived gym membership. It’s not working out for me, and I just feel guilty and stressed every single time I DON’T go to the gym (which is literally every week).
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I just need to reassess how I’m going to achieve my goals. And, unfortunately, that does not include the gym. Instead, I am going to follow a home-workout plan that I bought MONTHS ago, and dig out those fitness DVDs that I loved back when I first started exercising.
I’ve realised that I need to take things at my own pace, take it back to the basics and learn to fall in love with fitness all over again. It used to be my passion, and somehow, I’ve lost that. I will get back to the gym at some point, but that point is not now.
For now though, I wan to focus on my overall health; eating well, getting my period back (again), slowly increasing my exercise, and most of all, allowing myself to rest, both physically and mentally.
I hope you’ve enjoyed my somewhat over-dramatic life update. This is the post that I needed to write. Blogging is my escape, and I have definitely forgotten that over the past couple of months. But getting all of this out and sharing it with you, is the therapy I needed. It has cleared my mind and reignited my motivation for life.
What’s happening in your life at the moment? Share your updates below!
Until next time,