Weight Loss Struggles

It’s time to be honest…

Trying to stay positive all the time is really hard.

And I’m a positive person. But recently, I just feel completely and utterly exhausted, both physically and mentally.

I keep telling myself that it’s because I’ve just started this new job working in a café, while still trying to keep up with my exercise and other things, but I actually think this exhaustion goes a little bit deeper than this.

I’m tired of working so hard, to achieve nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I’m not losing weight. Actually more than that, my body WON’T LET ME lose weight.

I am convinced there is something wrong as it is not normal for someone who puts the amount of work and effort in as I do, to still stick at the EXACT SAME WEIGHT.

I eat healthily, I exercise, and still my weight is the same.

In fact, I’m more likely to put weight on than I am to lose it. When I was doing my exams a few weeks ago, my healthy eating really slipped; I was snacking a lot, I was eating takeaways and I was even drinking (I know, shock!) and naturally I put on some weight. But I thought to myself, ‘you know what, that’s fine, everyone is allowed a slip up, and once I get back on track this weight will disappear.

That was a month ago.

It’s still there. Stuck to me like glue.

The only thing my healthy eating habits and exercise does for me is MAINTAIN my current weight. THAT IS IT. If I happen to put a bit of weight on with a slip up, I can’t seem to even lose that tiny bit again. I can’t even afford to have a slip up now and again. I’m actually scared to because my weight just increases little by little.

The only way I can stay motivated to carry on with this is because I know if I didn’t, I would be absolutely huge (I’m already a size 16). I would just balloon. And at 20 years old, that is not something I even want to think about, never mind experience. That is the one thing that keeps me motivated to push through and carry on.

But what am I supposed to do?

I’ve been doing this for over a year now, and really, not a lot has changed. Ok so I’m fitter and healthier than I was a year ago, but nothing else has changed. I’m still a size 16, I’m still overweight and I’m still unhappy with it.

I’m not losing weight, I eat healthily and I exercise regularly, all while having ME/CFS. I do have a borderline underactive thyroid but I haven’t been diagnosed with that properly and so won’t get treatment for it until I am, which might not happen for years yet.

Do you know how hard and disheartening that is?

People tell me I’m doing well to stay so motivated and positive; they tell me to keep going, that it’ll be worth it in the end. But will it? What if this is the end? Constant dieting and exercising to achieve nothing? Is that really something I want to live with?

But what is the alternative? To balloon and become even bigger and be at an even bigger health risk for myself? No thanks.

Until I find a solution, whether it be a problem with my body, and yet another health issue (I’m really holding out hope that it isn’t) or I find something that finally works, I have to keep on working towards that end goal, and try and keep my motivation going.

Trying to stay positive all the time is really hard.

*If anyone has any tips, advice or thoughts, I would really love to hear them. I’m in desperate need of any ideas to help me through this!*

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