Do You Ever…?
Do you ever feel like just staying in bed all day?
Do you ever feel so lonely you could cry?
Do you ever get up, get dressed and leave the house to then just turn around and go back to bed?
The answer to all three questions is yes, for me anyway. Except today I didn’t do number 3. I persevered and walked to Uni despite feeling like utter crap. It’s safe to say I probably should have listened to my body and actually gone back to bed and rested. Especially when I was so dizzy I nearly collapsed on the way in… Ooops. However, having now done a full day of Uni I can feel proud of myself for pushing through and I can feel satisfied that I have done something useful, despite wanting to mope in bed all day.
Monday is my busiest day of the week and therefore, the one day I really can’t miss, no matter how much I want to. Unfortunately, I have had to miss the past two Monday’s and I feel so behind in Uni work, it is stressing me out to the point that it is just making me feel worse. The problem is, part of me felt like the only way to catch up with it all was to take another day off – but that leaves me with another problem. I have then missed ANOTHER Monday and consequently have yet another Monday to catch up on. I definitely do not need that.
For anyone with any sort of illness, you will understand how this can be a very vicious circle. You miss a class, you have to catch up. To catch up you miss another class. You have more to catch up on. You then miss another class to catch up on the last class. And it goes on…
Today I decided to stop panicking and to just get to Uni and stop stressing. So I did. And honestly? I think it was the best decision. Yes, this morning I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, but as the day went on and I felt more accomplished with what work I did, I couldn’t help but feel proud of myself for pushing through. And yes, there will be other days that the only good thing for me to do is to just rest, but today was not one of those days.
I think the most important thing with ME/CFS is to recognise your own ability to get things done. This morning I knew I was capable, it was just down to how much I perservered. Another day I might immediately know in the morning that doing anything will just set me further back. With this illness, and any other that is similar, it is so important that you know your own body and feel comfortable making decisions and sometimes sacrifices.
As always, if you have any questions feel free to comment on the post or use social media to contact me!